janine tilley – why chicks dig nihilists… an old wives’ tale from 2005

(We miss you, Gerdtjie)

After years of indulging in martyrdom, I got to thinking, there must be reasons behind all this nonsensical adoration of worthless flesh, complete with limp cock.

Fucking a deadbeat? this is probably why…

1. They stay out of the sun so their skin is all soft

2. They don’t bath as much as other boys so we get to smell the real them and can pretend we are fucking mineworkers.

3. They cant always get it up, posing a challenge and a chance to giggle about them with your girlfriends.

4. When a nihilist is sweet to you, it feels like a blade of sunshine has pierced an angry sky, as it hardly ever happens.

Not as glamorous as one would think…
5. They are incredibly needy, and co-dependent tarts everywhere rejoice in the glory of this.

6. They don’t talk much, letting you rat a tat about all sorts of arb crap, which fuels their negativity.

7. Nihilists take loads of drugs and have massive come downs, making us feel less guilty about our own consumption and general bullshit.

8. They have decent music collections and there is no chance of catching them with oakley’s on their heads.

9. Say one measly nice thing to them, and they will use it as a weapon against you, exciting.

10. A nihilist will never believe you when you say you love them, giving you an opportunity to change your mind whenever you fancy without getting in to trouble.

11. They cant really talk properly, preferring to screech and wail and shout a lot, but write beautiful, tragic love letters that we keep forever and are the envy of our friends.

12. The constant negativity makes us feel that in contrast, we are bursting with positivism and are living fabulous, tanned lives.

13. They have such a low self image, there is very little chance of them upstaging us.

14. Their general incorrigible and juvenile vibe prevents other sluts from moving in until they get to know them, and by that time you have them by their weak ineffectual balls and they cant live without you.

15. ..They will never stand in front of the mirror going “christ, i am gorgeous”

16. They admire your bitching and complaining and actually get a rise out of it, rare and satisfying.

17. We can take out our frustrations on them using inappropriate verbal abuse and kick and scratch them as much as we want.

18. Their suicidal bollocks turns us on, as there is nothing like a kicked pathetic dog to bring out the old maternal instincts.

19. And, in the end, girls really enjoy being treated badly.

What do you think?

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