anaïs nin on unbearable lightness

“I am the most tired woman in the world. I am tired when I get up. Life requires an effort I cannot make. Please give me that heavy book. I need to put something heavy like that on top of my head. I have to place my feet under the pillows always, so as to be able to stay on earth. Otherwise I feel myself going away, going away at a tremendous speed, on account of my lightness… As soon as I utter a phrase my sincerity dies, becomes a lie whose coldness chills me. Don’t say anything, because I see that you understand me, and I am afraid of your understanding. I have such a fear of finding another like myself, and such a desire to find one! I am so utterly lonely, but I also have such a fear that my isolation be broken through, and I no longer be the head and ruler of my universe. I am in great terror of your understanding by which you penetrate into my world; and then I stand revealed and I have to share my kingdom with you.”

~ Anaïs Nin

jeffrey lewis with helen schreiner – bugs and flowers (live)

Jeffrey Lewis and Helen Schreiner perform a beautiful version of “Bugs and Flowers”.

Out in the forest
Out past the stone wall
Built by old farmers
Or older guys
I saw a railway
With tracks all rusted
Wild flowers blooming
Up through the ties

I set out walking
Just cross-tie walking
Out on the cross-ties
Where I could step

Sometimes I missed one
Sometimes there was none
Sometimes the flowers
Had eaten it
The sun was burning
The flies were churning
The trees were turning
Inside the sky
The tracks were rotten
Some trash forgotten
Sometimes a bottle with ash inside

I’ve been a walker
A sidewalk talker
Out on the sidewalks
Where I could step
Someday my body
Will look real shoddy
Wherever flowers have eaten it
Voracious flowers
Voracious hours
Voracious people
Voracious slime
Words like voracious
Just sound like nonsense
After you say them about five times

These flowers blooming
They are not human
These flies and insects
Are really weird
Their backs are shiny
Their souls are tiny
And by the zillions
They’ve disappeared
So if there’s life after
It’s packed with insects
It’s filled with flowers
No room for us
When they kick the bucket
They just say chuck it
They come and go like
Infinite dust

The human race’s
Beautiful faces
Changing places
Reform and bust
When we kick the bucket
Let’s just say chuck it
We’ll come and go like
Infinite dust

re: god and human freedom

a conversation between cherry bomb and aryan kaganof


On Nov 20, 2007 10:14 PM, Rosemary Lombard wrote:

http://www.religion-online.org/showchapter.asp?title=2285&C=2159

came across this while reading around transcendence/immanence
a fascinating philosophical article
on god and human freedom
comes at christian scripture, existentialism, marxism
from an ENTIRELY different angle to the traditional church
very unorthodox
yet still from a christ-focused perspective
thought you’d also find it interesting
esp how it might relate to your youniverse

“ama et fac quod vis”
(love, and do what you will)
– st augustine

[although the he-personification of god
and use of ‘man’ to mean generic ‘human’ irks me a bit,
i see the publication’s date was 1970, so it’s alright ;]

Nov 21, 2007
poem for rose, paradoxically
Filed under: kagapoems, poetry, paradoxism — ABRAXAS @ 10:24 am

i stumbled upon
myself stumbling upon
the difference between transcendence and immanence

my stumbling was the means by which i knew
there was an i to stumble
upon that which was there to be stumbled upon

immanence implied that i was everything that i stumbled upon
and everything i stumbled upon was me
transcendence granted me existence outside of what i stumbled upon
and that my being might exist outside of knowing

what was unknowable was how to unstumble
and thus in my unstumbling upon
myself unstumbling
i became unme

now immanence implied that everything unme
could be unstumbled upon and that everything that could be unstumbled upon is in unme
whereas transcendence seemed to be saying that unme is also outside of unstumbling
and therefore could not be unstumbled upon

here i found a contradiction
because if it is only possible to stumble upon something outside of me
then surely it is impossible to unstumble upon something inside of unme
unless of course my stumbling upon
myself stumbling upon
was in fact inside of me

meaning that there is no difference between transcendence and immanence
hence god’s indifference
to the problem

On Nov 21, 2007 11:59 PM, Rosemary Lombard wrote:

yes
this is our business

does the ground worry
if a seed is growing or withering away?
or how often a wayfarer stumbles?

the substrate whereby
we are
is god
within with without
us

our embrace of existence lies in union
love is the yes to life
love is the blossom of anti-entropy

carly's loving hands

Carly’s loving hands (2008). Photo by Rosemary Lombard

on incarnation and sacrifice

christ

But supposing God became a man – suppose our human nature which can suffer and die was amalgamated with God’s nature in one person – then that person could help us. He could surrender His will, and suffer and die, because He was man; and He could do it perfectly because He was God. You and I can go through this process only if God does it in us; but God can only do it if He becomes man. Our attempts at this dying will succeed only if we men share in God’s dying, just as our thinking can succeed only because it is a drop out of the ocean of God’s intelligence: but we cannot share God’s dying unless God dies; and God cannot die except by being a man. That is the sense in which He pays our debt, and suffers for us what He Himself need not suffer at all.

~ C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

the pleasure seekers – what a way to die (1965)

The Detroit garage band the Pleasure Seekers originally comprised sisters Suzi, Patti, and Arlene Quatro, the daughters of jazz musician Art Quatro. The group started while the siblings were all still in their teens. They quickly transcended novelty status by writing their own material and playing their own instruments, and made their debut in 1966 with the local hit “Never Thought You’d Leave Me,” released on the Hideout label (the recording arm of the local teen club where Suzi reportedly worked as a counter clerk). A year later they jumped to Mercury for “Light of Love.” Eldest sister Arlene soon exited the Pleasure Seekers to begin a family — among her children was actress Sherilyn Fenn, best known for her work in the TV cult series Twin Peaks — and was replaced by another Quatro sister, Nancy. Throughout the remainder of the decade the band toured relentlessly, even appearing at a USO showcase at the peak of the Vietnam War, but mainstream success continued to elude them. Around 1969, the Pleasure Seekers rechristened themselves Cradle, a move which also heralded a harder-edged sound. By the early ’70s, however, the trio disbanded, with Suzi going on to fame as a solo performer while Patti joined the California band Fanny (info from allmusic.com).

john berger – “les petites chaises”

Do you think that flying round repeatedly in a circle, as happens on a certain kind of roundabout, do you think this might have a temporary effect – for purely physiological reasons – on the brain?

It can induce a sense of giddiness…

I mean more. Could character temporarily be changed by it?

Please explain, said Monsieur Hennequin, what you have in mind.
swing

At these fairs there is a special kind of roundabout, a combination of a roundabout and a series of swings. The seats are suspended and when they turn –

A centrifugal force comes into play, said Monsieur Hennequin, and they are thrown outwards. I have seen the kind of which you are speaking. We call them les petites chaises.

Good. Now you can control – up to a point – how you swing outwards and in what direction. It’s all a question of how far you lean back, how high you push your feet up, how you swing with your shoulders and how you pull with your arms on the chains either side. It’s not very different from what every girl learns on an ordinary swing.

I know, said Madame Hennequin.

The game which most of the riders play as soon as the roundabout starts to turn, is to try to swing themselves near enough to whoever is behind or in front of them so as to join hands with them and then to swing together, as a pair, holding on to each other’s chains. It’s quite difficult to do this, often only their fingertips touch –

The seats are spaced in such a way, interrupted Monsieur Hennequin, to ensure that they never come into contact. Otherwise it could be dangerous.

Exactly. But everyone who rides on this kind of roundabout is transformed. As soon as it begins to turn and they begin to gain height as they swing out, their faces and expressions are changed. They leave the earth behind them, they throw back their heads and their feet go up towards the sky. I doubt whether they even hear the music which is playing. Each tries to take hold of the arm trailing in front of him, they cry out in delight as they gather speed, and the faster they go, the freer they play, as they rise and fall, separate and converge. The pairs who succeed in holding on to one another fly straighter and higher than the rest. I have watched this many times and nobody escapes the transformation. The shy become bold. The awkward become graceful. Then when it stops most of them revert to their old selves. As soon as their feet touch the ground, their expressions again become suspicious or closed or resigned. And when they walk away from the roundabout, it is almost impossible to believe that they are the same beings, men and women, who a moment ago were so free and abandoned in the air.

~ from G by John Berger (1972)

afro what what – joule city, 15 december 2012

Picking up stompies…

“He’s most comfortable when he’s uncomfortable.”

“He was kind enough to punish me.”

“You’ve got an iPhone? I wouldn’t trust you with an Alcatel.”

“Uh, sorry, did a bun monster just shit on your head?”

“Is it exhausting to be that cool?”

“It’s really hard to find pictures of happy black people these days.”

tame impala – feels like we only go backwards

An anthem to atavism, with a great video directed by Joe Pelling and Becky Sloan, made entirely from plasticine collage. Off the album Lonerism, which came out on Modular in November 2012.

It feels like I only go backwards, baby
Every part of me says go ahead
I got my hopes up again, oh no, not again
Feels like we only go backwards, darling.

I know that you think you sound silly when you call my name
But I hear it inside my head all day
When I realize I’m just holding on to the hope that maybe your feelings don’t show

It feels like I only go backwards, baby
Every part of me says go ahead
Then I got my hopes up again, oh no, not again
Feels like we only go backwards darling.

The seed of all this indecision isn’t me, oh no
‘Cause I decided long ago
But that’s the way it seems to go
I’ve tried so hard to get to something real, it feels…
It feels like I only go backwards, darling…

e. e. cummings – somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

__
From Complete Poems: 1904-1962 by E. E. Cummings, edited by George J. Firmage. Copyright © 1923, 1931, 1935, 1940, 1951, 1959, 1963, 1968, 1991 by the Trustees for the E. E. Cummings Trust. Copyright © 1976, 1978, 1979 by George James Firmage.

slowdive – just for a day (full album)

First released in 1991 on Creation Records, this album has been a fount I have returned to so many, many times since I bought it at about 14 from Jan Welter’s second hand cd stall at the flea market in Pietermaritzburg’s Alexandra Park. I picked it based only on the luminous cover photo of a girl, spinning… Well, that and the fact that I trusted Jan’s taste implicitly. Just for a Day is a cool, sweet glass of water to me on a stuffy, fevered day (like today); a comfy, old sweater to nestle in on a dark, sad day… the breeze blowing through my heart when it feels most empty. It lifts my spirits above suffering, always. Here it is in its entirety.