jun togawa – mushi no onna – “pupa woman” (1984)

“There is a feeling I’ve had ever since childhood: that there exist many different “worlds” and I was born in the wrong one, a world I don’t quite fit into. I’ve felt this strong feeling of wrongness all through my life. There is no space for me in this world. Every time I believe I’ve finally found my place, someone comes to me and says “Go away! You’re not supposed to be here.” ~ Jun Togawa – more of this interview HERE.

Mushi No Onna (“Pupa-woman”) – translation from the internet…

In the forest, in the white moonlight, I dig in the ground and find many cicada chrysalises.
Ahh… Ahh…
They are my shape that has changed completely, thinking too much about you.
I am a woman who is an insect that sips sap in the forest, in the frozen moonlight.

When you finally notice me, I have already become an insect with a light brown belly
The mysterious grasses are parasitic on me, and a stem of sorrow grows up from my light brown back.

There is a very pretty video for the slow version of “Mushi no Onna“, but Sony Music has restricted its viewability on Youtube to Japan… ANNOYING! I have managed to find it, though (w00t) and you should watch it HERE. I can’t get it to embed properly, unfortunately.

The following is an intense live version of the more commonly available “punk” version of the song, which riffs on Pachelbel’s Canon:

Another translation:

Moonlight in the white forest
In all of the trees
Cicadas emerge from their chrysalises
Ah ah, ah ah

And so, as thoughts of you run through my head,
my body reaches the final stage of transformation
Moonlight in the frozen forest
Sipping sap, I am an insect woman

When you notice me
amber has filled me up
The girl who changed into an insect,
a parasite in the strange grass,
growing stems of sadness from her amber back

rilke on confusion and uncertainty

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

~ Rainer Maria Rilke, from Letters to a Young Poet: Letter Four  (16 July 1903).